I'm realizing there's a bit of a theme on my blog...posting every couple months...not so great...and for anyone who actually reads this I am sorry, I will try to update more often...any blogging ideas would be totally welcome....

So...what's gone on in my life the last couple of months? 

I went to Mexico in July , in all honesty in a lot of ways it was a very trying time, but amazing all the same.  It was HOT, extremely hot.... We worked at a Mission/Orphanage for a week, doing any odd jobs, going on children's outreach ministry and adults ministry, and one night babysitting...crazy with the whole "language barrier" thing, the kids totally took full advantage of that....but it was fun...I just love kids and the Mexican kids are just so dang beautiful and fun to hang out with.  We also as a team had the opportunity to build a house for a young single mom and her 4 kids, it was such an incredible thing to be able to help in such a tangible way. 

All in all Mexico was a crazy experience, God's protection and guidance was so evident through it all, but the trip left me with a lot of questions as to the calling or path for my life.  But through the experience in Mexico I've realized that He cares more about the location of our hearts than the location of our person....Oh yeah and I got to go to  the beach almost every day which was awesome, except it was never hot by the time we made it down there, go figure, eh!!

(That was just a very quick overview of the trip)

I also finally got my licence, well my "N" it was such a long ordeal, but God got me through it and I toally believe that it is by Him and by Him alone that I am now driving.  I just couldn't get through the test, never have I experienced more anxiety over anything, I was making myself sick and setting myself up for failure again and again. 3rd times a charm...no I just couldn't take it anymore and God had mercy on me....I know it may sound kinda crazy, but I really do owe it all to Him, He is faithful even in the seemingly insignificant details of our lives. I am reminded of that over and over.  I also have been blessed with a CAR: a red '98 ZX2 Ford Escort, she is beautiful and I love driving , and I just feel so blessed...

This is absolutely ridiculous how long it's been since my last  post , I will try and be more of a frequent blogger...Anyways be Blessed guys!!!!

Ok...so a topic worth blogging about....the CANUCKS...

What the heck has happened?  It just keeps getting worse and worse, is Dave Nonis completely out of his mind?...The only trade we should have made was him (at least in my opinion)... I love, love, love Todd Bertuzzi, Dan Cloutier, Nolan Baumgartner, Jarko Ruutu (the last 2 really stepped up and were becoming amazing players...) Oh and let's not forget Mark Crawford...that was only the beginning.....

At the rate he's going the CANUCKS as we've known them will be a distant memory, we have gotten rid of some of our top players for what? a couple draft picks? Give me a break....oh and right Roberto Luongo, great so pretty much our team consists of some draft picks and the "goalie that it's all riding on" oh and let's not forget the Sedin brothers...if they play as well as they did last season then they may have a shot, but let's face it the "top line" is never really the "top line".  Ugh...hockey it will break your heart...

Crazy, Beautiful Life!!!

Okay...so I have been feeling the pressure to blog for awhile now from my co-worker..thanks Dayna (you can now add me back on your links)

Hmmm..life is crazy and God is amazing they go hand in hand... the craziness of life is nothing compared to the absolute AMAZINGNESS!!!! of God.  I am blown away by His faithfullness over and over again.  Life is good, home is good (starting to actually be apart of the community I live in, it is a very nice feeling).

The weather has been beautiful, it's hard not to enjoy life when the sun is just shining away, giving us that radiant glow and a hint of a tan. I never realized how much I love the sun, but it just is beautiful and it makes everything around it beautiful.  Just another picture of how great and awesome our God truly is...it's in the little things that I am reminded of that (as well as the big).  There's just something about being in nature that helps me see the beauty of our creator. Is it the same for you, do you see the beauty of God when immersed in His creation? 

I am headed to Mexico in a couple of weeks, going to an orphanage/mission to help work, and hang with kids YEAH!!! We are also going to be working with a ministry in the village where the mission is, where we will be building a house...which is kinda crazy...I honestly can't picture myself building a house, will be an adventure for sure.  I am excited for what God is going to do through and to our team.  I know it will be an amazing experience, it has been both previous times.  If you guys can remember us in your prayers, that everything will go smoothly with the border crossing and everything, that would be awesome. Well God bless!!!

Ahhhh

Right now I'm failing so hard in everything.  Life is so hard right now, and I am not doing too well, and the most frustrating thing is I don't what to do about it....I mean I do, I know I need to take the time to read the Bible and spend time with God, but I actually feel paralyzed to do it.  I feel like I'm falling so hard right now and I can't get up, it's just too much energy...I don't even know why I'm writing this, I suck at journaling so bad....I've just never felt like such a failure in my walk with Christ as I do now.  It's really hard to see God in my life right now, and I know it's my fault (I should be spending time reading the Word, praying...) I just feel like I can't move. This is so hard to write, but I guess transparency and honesty is something I need to work on, and we can't walk this road alone, I mean I know I can't because I have tried and I can't....(If anyone reads this, I am sorry for being so depressing, and down, but I am going crazy)

It's been way too long since I last updated, I've updated once on my other blog, but that was a long time ago as well.  Feels like a lot is going on right now, at least in me.  I feel like I may be starting to dream....dream, not as in sleep, but dream as in my future what God has in store for me.  I've been on the fence for so long, so scared of stepping out, so scared of failing, that I've just been in a constant stagnant state, not moving, not growing, not living, just surviving... It's not like my life is going so great at the moment, it's a constant struggle living at home, my family tests my patience and grace all the time, and sadly...most of the time I fail that test.  I'm a people pleaser, I think I always have been, and a perfectionist, so when I feel like I'm a failure in life, I guess it's easy to vent everything onto my family, and blame them for all my faults. But they are truly not the problem at all...when I think about it, I have been blessed with such an amazing family, I have the most incredible parents, sometimes I need to remind myself of that fact, they support me in everything I do, and I have always felt and had their full respect and trust, which I am so thankful for.

But yeah "DREAM"...for so long I haven't felt like I have a God given vision or dream, nothing has seemed to fit.  And maybe...if I am being perfectly honest with myself in a lot of ways I haven't really wanted a dream, because it's scary...it may not be safe, or sane, and I like to think...at least for the most part...that I am a fairly sane person, I'm not one to take chances or risk all that much.  For almost as long as I can remember, all I have wanted to be is a wife and a mother, I still want that so much, but I don't think right now that I would be content or satisfied with myself if that was my only dream for the rest of my life. In all honesty, I'm not sure where my gifts or talents lie, but I think, for right now I kinda know where my heart is...I want to go back to Russia (I was there about 2 years ago for 3 and half weeks with my OMEGA team, and it was such an incredible experience) While there I felt like maybe God was tugging on my heart for the Russian people, especially the street kids and orphans, it's hard to explain what they go through, but let me just say it is heartbreaking, my eyes are filling with tears just thinking about it...I don't know what I can do, but I want to do something, so I am planning on taking TESSL (Teaching English as a Second Language), and going back, there is a need for that there right now...I just want to say God is Good All the Time!!! He is never too far away, and noone is ever too far gone for God not to reach them, He will reach you where you are at, in His timing, never doubt His love or faithfulness. We serve such a GREAT and AWESOME God.